Not Shocking

Parallel Thirty Six: Carnivorous Peace

Less than 12 hours from this moment, I am 36 years.

Humans experience benchmarked developmental changes and growth in [relatively] “normal” circumstances – wherein Normal is defined as a healthy human without developmental disease. At 35, we hit a developmental milestone.

I’ve read we change at 35. I’ve read tales of science and dendrites; shifting synapse. I’ve read about emotional growth spurts at 35 which, at age 31, seemed a cruel rumor to ease women into their 30s. All of it, true.

I am on a boat. I am headed towards shore.
Relief for tailwind, I embark upon parallel 36, waves of  changing tide beating on the beach ahead. 

Kicked and screamed my whole way here:

31 was …confusing  

32 was …sexy

33 was …the year I came to realize San Francisco would be home for many years

34 was …full of error

35 has …only 12 more hours on my back, a favorite tailored sweater slipping away with season.

35 was …a time to heal; a tornado of emotional retrograde and chaos slipping into a renaissance of growth and maturity. Eagerness to live well,  keep balance,  pursue perspective.  Willingness to reach out,  sit back, lean in to let the gray roll.

Experience is nature’s hero. I sit on the beach. Dust settles under my toes.

Epiphanies, growth, self acceptance,  journeys & maps in hand, I’ve travelled from the confusion and unrest of my early 30s, I’ve moved from a dark place of fear & despair to a place of love and joy. I am sitting on the beach and it is simply quiet. 

All I know is There are some things in this world, Captain Niobe, that will never change. Some things do change 
-morpheus 

Change today is a form of navigation that proved impossible before this developmental shift.  Neuroscience behind developmental benchmarks wasn’t enough for me. I had to experience it to believe it.

It’s real. 
Something shifted. I grew up.

Freedom. Relaxation. A sunny quiet cove of don’t give a fuck with gratitude for dark.

There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.     -Leonard Cohen

Mid 30s are a beginning of contentment, without stasis.  A hunger for perspective juxtaposed with a simple peace of mind. Not closer nor further from death,  I am free from the chains of youth that are both necessary and binding. 

I am sitting on the beach.

Celebrating 36: Carnivorous Peace
After 23 years of strict vegetarianism, often vegan, I am celebrating my natural carnivorous self. Proud of my animal being, I am ok with these carnivorous teeth and I will use them. I will admit to those who ask me if I’ve ever craved meat - yes, I have.

Tomorrow I will eat my first steak in 23 years. It will be rare.