on July 1, 2009 I will be 36 years old.



Age really isn’t a big deal, right?

(i have no answer)

But what i do know is that humans experience a certain set of developmental neurobiological benchmarked changes and growth in [relatively] “normal” circumstances – with normal definde as a healthy human without developmental disease. I’m blogging to confirm from a fully conscious perspective: it’s true, at 35, we hit another developmental milestone. I’ve read about this benchmark. I’ve read that we change at 35. I’ve read the tales and science of dendrites and synapse which shift as we grow; i’ve read about this oh so important emotional growth spurt at 35 that i thought was just a cruel rumor to ease women into their 30s. And now i do know. It’s true.

Yes, there is a developmental shift at 35. The next developmental benchmark is 40 – but i’m just moving past 35 and breathing a sigh of relief as i embark upon the freedom that is the age of 36.  The benchmark has been met.

Change. Age. Beautify. Me? i kicked and screamed the whole way here. I mean hell, i’ve been confused since 31.  32 was sexy, literally, a whole new world and i was super hot.  33 was the year i realized i was going to be a San Franciscan for a long time. 34 was – wait, i was 34? And 35 was a whirlwind and rolled into a shift from total emotional retrograde (and chaos) to a full throttle renaissance of growth and maturity, an eagerness to live well, to keep balance, to pursue perspective.  To reach out, to sit back, and let the gray roll in. Experience is nature’s hero. The dust of 35 years settles; the universe, clearer and far more vast than ever. (to me).

Before this epiphany, this shift, this change, this growth, this self acceptance, this journey – I’ve travelled from the confusion and unrest of my early 30s, I’ve moved from a dark place of fear & despair to a place of love and true joy.  There once was a younger girlwomanpunkchick who thought ageism was an excuse for anyone older than me to feel dignified; to feel redeemed for existing 50% of the way to 70. (i mean…seventy.  70!) And now this girlwomanpunkchick is just a tall proud dignified punkwoman.  No more no less.

All I know is There are some things in this world, Captain Niobe, that will never change. Some things do change
-morpheus (the matrix)

And what’s changed now is the ability to navigate the universe in a way that I could not have before the developmental shift, the transition from early 30s to what is now the road to 40. The neuroscience behind developmental benchmarks wasn’t enough for me. I had to experience it to believe it. It’s real.  Something shifted. I grew up.

What does it feel like? Freedom. Relaxation. It’s a combination of i don’t give a fuck  ~and~ wow, i’m so happy with my life experience, my body, my personality. I’m glad i’ve been in the dark.

There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.     -Leonard Cohen

Something has changed: welcome to the developmental shift that happens at the mid-30 point. It’s contentment, without stasis.  A hunger for perspective juxtaposed with a simple peace of mind. No, i’m not closer to death, suddenly, i am closer to life. Living free from the chains of youth that are both necessary and binding.

And thus begins the last day of age 35. Tomorrow? I’m 36 and will be eating my first steak in 22 years,  pleased to gnaw anew.